2012 - Year for Us

Dear Reefy,

Happy New Year my gorgeous boy, oh how I miss you. I woke up on the first morning of this year and thought of You.  I wanted to hold you, I wanted to whisper in your cute little ear how much I love and adore you.  Although I couldn't.  You are presently beyond my reach.


I with all my heart want to stay positive and hopeful, although some days I just get overwhelmed and I cant help but well up and cry.  Man tears of course :)  I don't understand why your Mum wont let me see you,  but I need to keep on a positive track and not let resentful thoughts creep in.

I was sitting on Jesse's bed, on New Years Eve last year, and I said to him that my main new years resolution is to make sure my boys are happy.  Seems very simple, but some days it seems so complicated.

I have been trying to call every second day, although so far this year Jesse and I have not been able to get through.  I find it so hard, as I feel we are missing so much of each other. I dont know how buddy, but one day I will make it up to you. 

Maybe it will be a thousand cuddles,  a thousand kisses, a thousands times tucking you in and telling you I love you, a thousand stories, a thousand times holding your little hand.  Today I would be happy with just one hug from your my littlest man, or to hear you call out for me once.

Mustering all my faith and hope I am calling this a year for us buddy.  I am not sure how I will  do it but I will do everything I can to make it such a year.  Like standing on the beach looking out at a large, strong south swell rolling past.  I see the sets feathering out to the horizon and think "will I make it out?", and the only way I will find out is by putting my leggy on, running into the water, jumping over that first wave, and feeling the cold rush as I take my first few strokes.  As the first wall of white water comes, I brace myself and surge down deep, pushing with my foot down and through, knowing I will have to do this over and over to get out into clear water. 

We will  find our clear water Reefy,  I love and adore you more and more each day.  Miss you my littlest man. Love Daddy xxxxxx ooooo