I haven't written in a while due to the fact that recently, well up until 4 week's ago I was getting to see you on a pretty regular basis. I had agreed with your Mum's conditions that I would get to see you for 1.5 hours a fortnight under the conditions that I pay the child support on time, and a bunch other conditions that I won't go into here. One of those was to call you every Monday morning in a 30 minute slot, to see how your weekend was.
This was not an issue, as I was frothing to see you, and missed time with you so much as it had been almost a year since I saw your cute little face. So all was going well, Kate and I even got to take you away to the mountains for a weekend while your Mum was at a wedding. Loooooved it. You are such a well behaved little man, and I am super proud of you.
Although as life goes sometimes, all goes along smoothly then we hit a bump and if your not watching the road or holding the wheel right, the car can for a moment swerve off course. This is what happened. Your Mum wanted to get in contact with your grandma (my Mum) and to be honest as Amma has not been able to see you much, and missed you terribly in your early years, and for that does not have the strongest positive feelings towards your Mum.
I am sure over time this will ease, but it is still pretty fresh. So I tried to call your Mum and explain really carefully that Mum respected her as your Mum, and thinks that she was doing a great job, but just was not super comfortable in fostering a friendship at this time. Your Mum did not take it well, and stopped my access to you as a result. After a week, she said I could see you again, although I was 3 days late on a support payment and had missed calling your 2 times due to good reason that I informed your mum off.
Although it all kind of snowballed from there, and now I sit here in the library at Mona Vale, unable to see you anymore as your Mum does not think I want to take responsibility for you.
Let me tell you this my little champion. If I was given the chance to love, care for and take responsibility for you. More than just a fortnightly payment to your Mum, I would jump at it with both feet. Nothing more in life I would love is to wake up to you, the give you a shower or bath at night, to make you a yummy dinner, to wipe your snotty nose, or hold you when your not well, read to you, tell you story's of the ocean and life and most important of all to tell you as you close your eyes to sleep how much I love and adore you.
It is like I have had my hands tied behind my back, and someone is throwing a ball at me, saying catch it, see you don't want to catch it do you.
I want to give you all of me, but I am not able to because the opportunity has been taken away from us. I hope that someday soon this will change again, and we will be able to be Father and Son again. In between now and then my little man. I love you with all my heart and am proud of the little man you are becoming.
Lots of love, Dad xooooo
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